Warning: those of you who are sick of my rants/venting don't bother reading and save your selves the trouble of receiving a headache due to excessive eye rolling


I've been thinking since noon about a few things, and reading over that character FAQ i filled out on my last journal and for some reason couldn't stop thinking about that #3 question.

_ "3) How has the character changed over time, if they have at all?"

And so applying that to one's self the question might sound something like this:

- "How have you changed over time, if you have at all?"

How many times in our lives have we stopped to think back on who we are now compared to how we were as kids, teenagers, young adults, adults or the present You? Have we changed?

In my case, I think it depends
Sometimes i change for the better and sometimes i change for the worst (more for the worst than for better)

As a kid in elementary school I was selfish, spoiled and always wanted things to go my way. Not because my parents raised me that way, 'cause they were/are good parents. It was just the way I was/wanted to be. As a pre-teen (maybe 12-14) I was insecure, trusted no one (getting harassed everyday was not a pleasant thing) and my quick fire temperament didn't help much. During my first 2 highschool years I was more calmed, friendly, outspoken, happy-go-lucky and loyal, until my Senior year changed all that. I became cold, distant, couldn't wait to get out of highschool and go to college just so I could leave behind everyone I grew up with, everyone I knew. And then you finally get to college and sort of ... go back to being a "kid". Like re-living your first day in Kindergarden, only that you're standing alone this time. No mom to hold your hand and tell you "It's gonna be ok.".

But somehow, you suck it up and make it through that first day by 'blending in with the crowd' and trying to act as normal or mature as possible to avoid becoming a target as the "newcomer". You meet one or two people and become fascinated with just about everything; the classes, the professors or in my case, the fact that I was the only kid there when all of my classmates were in their late twenties, some in mid thirties or forties, a job and one or two kids of their own (and surprisingly enough one of them started college with you ). So far those first 2-3 years of college are looking up for you. You love what you're studying, you feel confident, have your first tantrum when your professor gives you a 20/50 just cause the professor wasn't as thrilled about your project as you were and you realize that somehow college (In my opinion) is ten times easier than highschool

But then something happens on your last 2 years and you find your self going back to the way you were in highschool. Being cold, distant, quiet, hating what you're studying and eager to just graduate again so you can leave it all behind you.

It's like Elle said on Chapter 17

_ "You know...back home in Puerto Rico. there used to be this place, like an old pier made out of concrete that sorta stood up over the water. It was very easy to see from the highway. I used to park my bike there every morning on my way to college… just around 5:30 or 5:45 AM, waited for the sunrise and I would imagine my self standing there someday for the last time, my mind made up and knowing exactly where I was going in life… Donnovan and I stood there the day before we left to LA... It's been three years and I still question if maybe leaving was the best thing for me."


I think we've all been through that once or twice in our lives. Promised our selves so many things, made plans for the future... But once a part of us changes we find it hard to take the next step without questioning, doubting. Wishing we could go back to a certain stage in our life where everything seemed right.





Death Note: Eyes of Rebellion, ost 02
Tracklist ( to listen go here:[link] )

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PUERTO RICO!!!








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- My Bro

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